I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I CAN MOONWALK!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
