i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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