I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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