She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
