If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
