I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
