its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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