Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
