Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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