the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
