what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
