so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
