i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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