ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
