just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize