So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
