Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
