That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
