Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
