i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
