just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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