You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize