why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
