i will never coherently bang her
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize