Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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