my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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