kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
