I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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