AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
