so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
