You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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