well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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