I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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