i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
