how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
