It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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