I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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