Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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