Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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