spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize