does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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