Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
