Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize