He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
its not stalking. its research.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
