so that wasnt chicken after all
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
