just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
