I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize