I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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