She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
