He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
