I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
