i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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