let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
