Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
