She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
