I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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