I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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