my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
