twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
