She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
