yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
